What Makes a Family?

who's in my familyFamilies come in all shades and groupings—bio families, step families, foster families and adopted families. Who’s in My Family: All about Our Families by Robie H. Harris and illustrated by Nadine Bernard Westcott presents a wide array of family constellations. Most readers will be able to spot their own family reflected in the range depicted in the illustrations. The multicultural illustrations depict  families as they participate in a several activities: eating, exercising, visiting the zoo, etc.  While the variety of families is richly depicted, the unifying thread of the story is that families enjoy spending time together and love each other regardless of how alike or similar they look.

 

 

We go togetherIn a second book, We Go Together by Todd Dunn and illustrated by Miki Sakamoto also tackle the concept of “fitting together.” Using familiar pairings like socks and shoes, ice cream and cones and elephants and trunks Dunn’s book reinforces the idea that some things go together naturally. He ends the story on a relationship note: “We go together because you love me and I love you.”

What makes this pair of books a good complement for each other is the emphasis on relationship connection. In both books, regardless of any physical similarities (or dissimilarities,) what counts is how people feel about one another. We care about those we love and that affection weaves our relationship together.

I rate both books four stars.starstarstarstar

 

I Wish You More …

I wish you more.2I Wish You More by Amy Krause Rosenthal and Tim Lichtenfeld delights visually and embodies an important concept: life is complicated. It includes joys and sorrows, ups and downs, twists and turns and surprises that delight as well as some that disappoint. Like a well-balanced meal, the life is richer and more nuanced when it includes both the sweet and the sour, the difficult and the simple.

Kids tend to see life in terms of black and white. I Wish You More uses this duality in a way that helps readers understand that along with challenges, joy follows.  Like a beautiful garden which depends on a blend of sun and shade, moist and dry spells, a full life blooms with lovely moments that counterbalance the storms, sadness and tears. In the contrast we more deeply appreciate each.

The wonderful illustrations by Lichtenfeld breathe life into the words . The spare text helps readers to understand that hard things do occur and that they are balanced out by the happy, the thrilling and the tender moments. Instead of falling into the trap of seeing things as all/nothing, sad/happy readers can appreciate that life is filled with a spectrum of experiences. They get to choose on which they will focus and who/what will define them.

While this lovely book is intended for youngsters, like Oh, the Places You’ll Go by Dr. Seuss,  I would assert that it will touch the hearts of all who read it. (I gave a copy to my daughter who will marry in just a few days.)

#AQParenting Perspective: Adoptive families can feel the message of this book deeply because our lives have been shaped profoundly by the losses and gains inherent in adoption. I Wish You More lends itself to conversations about how positives can replace negatives, happiness trumping sadness and gains bridging losses. One does not erase the other; each is real, touches us deeply and sculpts our lives. I enjoy the fundamentally optimistic tone of the book and rate it 5 stars.

The Power of One …

One by Otoshi borderSo often, kids (and adults) think, “I’m only one person. What difference can I make?” The power of one is deceptive. One quiet voice, one brave stance, one impassioned believer can shift the moment, the life, the course of history. Perhaps the situation is reversed for them and they are the child who needs that one friend,  that dependable adult, that supportive teacher.

How can we as parents/teachers/adults encourage this belief in the individual’s power to take a stand and help grow children willing to be “The Difference.” make a difference?

One tool resides in the brilliant book, “One” by Katherine Otoshi. In fewer than 500 words, Otoshi captures her powerful message: “It just takes one to make everyone count.”

I enjoy the play on words. In addition to the obvious meaning, that a person can “count” (be a meaningful influence,) this book also operates as a simple counting exercise. When the colors join together, one plus one becomes two, etc. The reader feels the effect of teamwork, the isolation and loneliness of facing a larger, scarier individual.

Otoshi’s bright, spare illustrations enhance her message in a succinct and easy to absorb package. This book is the perfect anti-bullying book for young children. (In fact, anyone who reads “One” will resonate with its important theme.”

“One” has received many awards (all of them merited!):

  • E.B.White Read Aloud Honor Book
  • Teacher’s Choice Award
  • Young Voices Foundation Award
  • Moonbeam Children’s Book Medalist
  • Mo’s Choice Award
  • Nautilus Gold Winner
  • IPPY Book Award
  • Hicklembee’s Book of the Year\NCIBA Best Illustrated Award
  • Reader Views Best Children’s Book
  • Flicker Tale Award

AQ* Spin:Many adopted children experience a sense of being different, of feeling like the odd one out. (Author, adopted mom, Carrie M. Goldman calls this as feeling “othered,” a complex emotion that parents need to acknowledge and assist kids in processing. Parents enjoy highlighting the similarities between themselves and their adopted children.

It is equally important that parents acknowledge the ways in which our children are different from us as well. Work to help them see their differences as enriching the family. Do encourage them to express any feelings of “otherness” without trying to minimize these feelings. Their honesty leaves them vulnerable and it invites you in to their real perception of their life experiences. By listening to all of their children’s emotions about adoption, parents become a safe harbor when they can find safety and security.

“One” offers an easy segue into conversations about their being adopted and how their friends and classmates respond to that knowledge. This is another area where parents will want to be available to hear their child’s whole story–“the good, the bad and the ugly.” Avoid the temptation to minimize; this will invalidate their expereinces and feelings. That’s not the message you want to share. We don’t want to push them into expressing only the happy thoughts and feelings about being adopted. .

I rate “One” a  starstarstarstarstar

Children’s Book Week Kindle Fire Kids Edition Gieaway

Children's Book Week Kindle Kids Edition Giveaway 2015

Special Giveaway to Bring in the Month of May.  To celebrate Children’s Book Week I will be taking part in this *Kindle Fire Kids Edition* hosted by Mother Daughter Book Reviews as a sponsor.  Make sure to check out some of the author sponsors below as well as some of their books you can get for free or as low as .99 cents.

Mother Daughter Book Reviews, in collaboration with the fabulous sponsors listed below, is pleased to be coordinating a giveaway for a Kindle Fire HD Kids Edition 7″ Tablet (+ $50 gift card/cash). This giveaway will take place from May 1 to 31, 2015, overlapping with Children’s Book Week (May 4 to 10, 2015).

About the Kindle Fire HD Kids Edition 7″ Tablet

Fire HD Kids Edition Tablet

The Kindle Fire HD Kids Edition Tablet also comes with 1 year of Amazon FreeTime Unlimited (which means kids get unlimited access to 5,000 books, movies, TV shows, educational apps, and games—at no additional cost!). It includes a quad-core processor for great performance, a vivid HD display, front and rear-facing cameras, and Dolby Audio PLUS comes with a Kid-Proof Case, and a 2-year worry-free guarantee – if they break it, return it and Amazon replaces it for free. No questions asked!

PLUS, we will also gift the winner a $50 Amazon gift card to help fill up their new Kindle with books!

Fabulous Sponsors (Authors and Publishers)

A big thank you to all of the participating authors and publishers who are sponsoring this giveaway. Below you will find their fabulous books

Please consider purchasing one, two or more books that interest you as a “Thank You” to these generous sponsors. Some books are free, others only 99 cents!

Ebook Lemon Festival Fiasco cover final Low Res 14 March 2015Lobo Goes to the Galapagos by C. L. MurphyABC Adoption and Me by Gayle and Casey SwiftIsabella Babysits BaxterBingo Summer by Dawn MaloneThe Escape of Princess Madeline by Kirstin PulioffDreamscape_FinalThePrincelingsoftheEast__FinalBookElves Anthology Volume 1The IfsThe Boy Who Spoke to God by Randa HandlerCubbie1coverIf I Were King coverConference of the BirdsGood-bye Baby Max by Diane CantrellHansel and GretelRani in Search of RainbowThe Tail of a Boy Named Harvey by Gregory BraySing Along Construction Song by Louise LintveltWind Catcher - CoverWhat if - SidebarBBBGAllGhost Leopard - New Cover - resizedThe Mystic Princesses and the WhirlpoolGuinevere: On the Eve of Legend by Cheryl CarpinelloBetween the Lines by Claudia WhitsittBilly Combo Cover Red brickYoung Knights of the Round Table: The King's Ransom by Cheryl CarpinelloTutankhamen SpeaksMice & Spiders & Webs... Oh My!My Fingerpaint Masterpiece - coverManner-Man by Sherrill CannonGimme JimmyThe Magic WordPeter and the Whimper Whineys -coverSanta's Birthday GiftCaterpillar ShoesRiddle CoverVIN & DORKYDUET-new cover-333x500Dewy and the Seeds of Doom by Maggie LyonsA Pair of Docks by Jennifer EllisThe Lumpy DucklingAstro is Down in the DumpsSophia's Jungle Adventureperf5.0625x7.8125.inddWhen Violet Was Blue by Deb TroehlerThe Aesir Kids by James Goldin & Charlotte GoldinThe Boy Who Flew With Eagles by Ben WoodardFront Cover Final 400x600Time Square: The Shift by S. W. LothianEoE_CoverPlace to Call HomeLittle Miss History Travels to Intrepid Sea Air & Space MuseumLexi and Marie CurieWaddley Sees the World ChinaJohn Bloom and the Victory Garden by Leigh Shearin

Fabulous Sponsors (Bloggers)

Thank you to the following bloggers who are sponsoring this giveaway. Please consider visiting at least one or two and thanking them personally.

Mother Daughter Book Reviews             Hope to Read                             Spark and Pook                               
A Leisure Moment                                     BeachBoundBooks                    Adalinc to Life                            
Cat’s Corner                                                Book Referees                            Book Reviews and Giveaways                                              
Castle View Academy                               Cymplified                                  Kids Yoga Stories                            
The Candid Cover                                    Ava Grace’s Closet                      My Love For Reading Keeps Growing

Giveaway

Prize: One winner will receive either a new KindleFire HD Kids Edition 7″ Tablet + a $50 Amazon gift card (US only) a $200 Amazon gift card (US Only) or $200 PayPal cash prize (International)

Contest closes: May 31, 11:59 pm, 2015

Open to: Internationally

How to enter: Please enter using the Rafflecopter widget below.

Terms and Conditions: NO PURCHASE NECESSARY TO ENTER OR WIN. VOID WHERE PROHIBITED BY LAW. A winner will be randomly drawn through the Rafflecopter widget and will be contacted by email within 48 hours after the giveaway ends. The winner will then have 72 hours to respond. If the winner does not respond within 72 hours, a new draw will take place for a new winner. Odds of winning will vary depending on the number of eligible entries received. This contest is in no way sponsored, endorsed or administered by, or associated with Facebook. This giveaway is hosted and managed by Renee from Mother Daughter Book Reviews. If you have any additional questions – feel free to send and email to Renee(at)MotherDaughterBookReviews(dot)com.

NOTE:When the winner is chosen, ALL of their entries will be verified. If ANY of the winner’s entries is invalid, they will be disqualified and a new winner will be chosen. In our last Kindle giveaway, the first winner chosen was disqualified for this very reason!

Children’s Book Week 2015: Kindle Fire Kids Edition Giveaway

Decoding the Puzzle: Social Interaction, Personal Space and Appropriate Conversations

Social cues puzzleMastering the subtle, non-verbal social cues is a daunting task. For kids with a less than smooth start in life, often this skill is poorly developed or is overwhelmed by hyper-vigilance. Unless children are taught how to read the “secret” messages of body language, some kids will never learn it. This will leave them confused and often can lead to social isolation.
When they don’t speak the language of behavioral cues children remain on the outside of the emotional/social conversation. The subtle hints other kids give may quickly become far less kind and patient and become mean and lead to bullying. A growing gap will arise.

Without adequate social skills, a child will struggle to mirror the emotional states of others and may respond inappropriately to the overtures of other children and adults. Instead of feeling “mirrored” they may misinterpret other people’s responses and feel mocked and unsupported. Even worse, they may feel threatened which might trigger a complete meltdown, and/or a flight/flight/freeze response. How can you assist your child in mastering the complex task of emotional literacy and the language of social cues?

 

Personal Space CampOne excellent resource is a marvelous book by Julia Cook titled, “Personal Space Camp.” With a deft sense of humor and zany illustrations by Carrie Hartman, this book tackles the complicated concept of personal space. Louis, the confused main character loves the world of outer space. But when it comes to personal boundaries, Louis is clueless. His frustrated teacher arranges for him to attend “Personal Space Camp.” This thrills Louis. He is surprised to learn that he will not be an astronaut exploring.

Louis is, however, entering unexplored territory: the world of personal space boundaries. “Personal Space Camp” is entertaining and informative without being preachy. It conveys important information that will assist kids that lack an understanding of social cues.

 

I Can't BelieveJulia Cook has written several other books that delve into the confusing world of social cues and interaction. One that is also quite helpful is, “I Can’t Believe You Said That.” (Illustrated by Kelsey De Weerd, it features multicultural characters.) The story helps kids discern the difference between saying something true:  ”You are fat,” versus something that is appropriate: “You are a good cook.”

Photo © Ilike – Fotolia.com

I wrote this article for Growing Intentional Families Together (GIFTfamilyservice.com ) and have modified it slightly for this blog.

Becoming Me

not Isabella

In My Name Is Not Isabella, one little girl’s imagination runs wild in a delightful game of pretend. Author Jennifer Fosberry introduces readers to a variety of history-making women through Isabella’s role play. Isabella’s mother encourages explorations as she pretends to be an astronaut (Sally Ride,) a sharpshooter (Annie Oakley,) an activist (Rosa Parks,) a scientist (Marie Curie,) a physician ( Elizabeth Blackwell,) and a mother. Mike Litwin’s illustrations have a quirky and charming cartoon style that perfectly compliment the lighthearted story. At the end of the story, the author includes brief biographical notes about these “women who changed the world.”

This book offers a wonderful spark for readers to “play pretend” and imagine themselves growing up to be a variety of people. It ends on a perfect note of self-acceptance as Isabella announces “‘It’s me, Isabella, the sweetest, kindest, smartest, bravest, fastest, toughest, greatest girl that ever was,’ …as she fell asleep and dreamed about who she would be…tomorrow.”

The story lends itself to conversations about all the different roles  your child might imagine. Parents can share their memories of childhood dreams as well as any current ones that inspire them. Enjoy the imaginary journey and encourage even the most outrageous goals. This is the time for unbridled fantasies. Practicalities will come all too soon.

AQ Logo.Parker.v1
When we use our AQ* (adoption-attuned) lens we can see how well this story aligns with our children’s task of braiding their multi-stranded elements of biological and adoptive family’s influences. Isabella realizes that she does not have to choose only one aspect of her dreams. She can incorporate every angle of her personality to become herself. So too, our children are a mixture of many “ingredients” that blend to become a complex and special recipe. In some ways, they are like us as. In other ways they are not. As parents we choose to be intentional in conveying both acceptance and delight for the similarities and their differences.

When the Family Tree includes Unexpected Fruit

 

Little MelbaChildren love banging out music. From their first toddler foray wielding spoon against a pot or a pan, they respond with joy, enthusiasm and persistence. But for some kids music offers much more than an outlet. It is who they are and how they connect to their deepest feelings and express themselves. Melba Liston was one such child. She connected with her talent at a very young age. Little Melba and her Big Trombone by Katheryn Russell-Brown illustrated by Frank Morrison is based on her life.

Born in 1926 in an environment filled with jazz, blues, and gospel, music  dominates her life. Eventually it brings her all over the world. Music also presses Melba to face the realities of prejudice and racial separation that dominated that part of history. Melba’s story inspires and  glows with the power of following one’s passion, the thrill of fulfilling one’s dreams. She overcame great difficulty not only in terms of personal challenges but also in terms of the racial realities of that era. This serves as a model for the power of vision, commitment and determination. Her success was not magical nor without challenges.  It occurred as a result of hard work.

Morrison’s award-winning** illustrations brilliantly further the story.  The effort and energy Melba expended come alive in the pictures. Dwarfed by her trombone, seven-year-old Melba struggled to master it, to release the music that lay dormant in the instrument. Her family encourages her to dare to be the best musician she can become, to take risks,  and to ignore those who would try to hold her back. Melba blazed a trail for female musicians. “She was one of the first women, of any race, to become a world-class trombone player.” The story clearly portrays the immense power of an innate talent and how compelled a child feels to develop her abilities.

cocktail treeThe AQ* (Adoption-attunement Quotient) potential in this story is easy to capture. This story celebrates a child’s innate talents and it highlights how her family encouraged and helped develop her gift. As adoptive parents we have the same opportunity– a duty really– to look for the hidden talents that lie within our children–the gifts of their genetic heritage. Some families may find this effortless to accomplish. Perhaps their child’s talents meld right in with the generational patterns of the family, for example, when an athletically-gifted child is adopted into a sport-loving family.) Or, the opposite might be true a bookish, creative child more at ease with a journal,  drawing pencil or paintbrush joins the same family.  This mismatch can be a source or tension or it can be an opportunity to broaden the family’s identity, to embrace this new “flavor” to notice and appreciate it. Whether it is a stretch or a no-brainer match, a child’s talents are a blessing, a light to be fostered and nurtured. One of the greatest gifts we can give a child is to validate them–their thoughts, feelings, talents and their differences. When our children were grafted to our family trees, we all became permanently linked, permanently changed.

In Florida, where Casey and I live, nurseries frequently graft varieties of trees. One popular  creation is called a “cocktail tree*.” Farmers choose  a sturdy, vibrant citrus tree and then graft branches of limes, oranges and lemons. When the mature tree blooms and fruits, it produces not only the fruit of the parent plant. Each branch remains true to its DNA: the orange branch produces oranges; the lime branch yields limes and the lemon branch bears lemons. Nurtured by the strength of the root stalk, each of the grafts reaches maturity as a healthy expression of its potential. I would assert that this is what we wish for our children: that they become the best version of themselves instead of a hollow imitation of  an idealized set of expectations.

*In other parts of the country a similar process produces fruit salad trees that include apple varieties or other fruit combinations.)

** (He won the Coretta Scott King Honor Award for 2105.)

Wanting to Be Different

Dont want to be a frogChildren often complain that they don’t want to be: skinny or fat; tall or short; blonde or brunette; curly-haired or straight-haired; etc. Their lists can be lengthy and changeable.  They want to be anything else except themselves. Dev Petty’s picture book I Don’t Want To Be A Frog hilariously captures these universal feelings of frustration which all of us have—children and adults. The comical illustrations by Mike Boldt are eye-popping and full of hidden jokes for the adult reader. (This is a definite plus because I predict, children will request this book over and over.)

Imagine being Froggy—wet, slimy, and stuck eating bugs—lots of them. I mean seriously, pretty yucky, right? He yearns to be cute, cuddly and warm like a cat or a bunny. He’s even willing to settle for a pig or an owl. Mama frog patiently points out all the reasons why Froggy can’t be other than himself. But the most convincing argument comes from a surprising source: a very hungry wolf. Wolf savors the taste of rabbit, owl, pig and cat but turns up his nose at the thought of eating a slimy, wet bug-eating frog. Froggy is relieved—and safe. He celebrates by dining on his favorite treat a succulent fly!

It’s easy to appreciate the obvious message conveyed in I Don’t Want To Be A Frog: being yourself is the best choice. For adopted children this is an especially pointed lesson.  It offers a great talking point regarding the talents, inclinations and abilities which they received through their birth parents. Families can highlight and celebrate these differences as things of value.

Often we concentrate on identifying ways that our adopted children are like us. Commonality equates to connection. It is equally important, however, to notice, validate and encourage the differences which our children bring to the family. These add value, texture and variety and are an important part of them. These differences enrich our families; they do not diminish us. A Five Star read.

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Enjoying the Magic of Invention and Self-discovery

Rosie revereAndrea Beaty has created a spunky heroine in Rosie Revere, EngineerBehind the shrinking violet who fades into the background at school, Rosie is a visionary with big dreams of becoming a “great engineer” and the talent to match. She creates inventions from her vast collection of found “stuff.” Rosie Revere, Engineer does a fabulous job of capturing a young child’s creative delight and the immense pleasure they enjoy in sharing their creations with the people they love. (How many times have you heard a child chime, “Look what I made!” Remember their exuberance, their pride, their need to have your acknowledgement?)

As a young tot, Rosie proudly shares her inventions with family until the dreaded day that her uncle–gasp–laughs at her masterpiece. Rosie feels judged and belittled by his laughter. Despite Uncle’s reassurances to the contrary, she believes he’s laughing at her. In typical child-fashion, she generalizes from this one experience, is convinced she lacks talent, and is devastated. Fortunately, her drive to create is untamed but she decides not to share her inventions anymore.

“After that day [Rosie] kept her dreams to herself.” She’s lost her spark and sits in her classroom “not daring to speak.” Rosie hides her creations  until her namesake, great-great aunt Rose appears on the scene.(Adults will recognize her as an echo of Rosie the Riveter a cultural icon of World War II fame.) The two are kindred spirits. The elderly aunt confesses that she has an unfulfilled dream: to fly. Her aunt’s admission rekindles Rosie’s courage and confidence in her ingenious inventions. Although Rosie fears failure, she embraces the challenge and sets out to create a flying contraption that will fulfill her aunt’s dreams.

Alas, her zany cheese-copter crashes. Just like the dreaded uncle, great-great aunt Rose laughs at Rosie’s designs but with joy not judgment. “You did it! Hooray! It’s the perfect first try! This great flop is over. It is time for the next!” Rosie learns to be proud of her failures, to round up her courage and keep trying until success is achieved.

David Roberts’ quirky illustrations are charming and so expressive. Each offers many discussion points to be mined. As I read this through an AQ* (adoption-attuned) lens, this story offers many wonderful nuggets. Themes that infuse the story include: diversity, “shyness’, recycling, ingenuity, viewing the world with an artist/inventor’s eye, women as capable, failing forward teamwork, confidence, resilience, persistence, being true to oneself, and owning one’s unique gifts. Wow! Jam packed, fun and visually delightful, this story offers an easy window to discussions about hidden talents and how they may have a genetic origin. This offers a natural segue to positive mention of birth parents and how biology helps to shape who we are.

I highly recommend this book. it is a five star gem.

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I Had a Favorite Dress

I had a favorite dressChange is difficult for children. I was delighted to find this aptly titled book : I Had A Favorite Dress by Boni Ashburn and illustrated by Julia Denos. It connected with my own experiences. As a child, I too, had a favorite dress. It had a pale dreamy peach-colored bodice and a white knife-pleated skirt. How I loved that dress and how bereft I felt when I outgrew it. (More than fifty years later I can still picture it and how I felt when I wore it AND when it no longer fit.)

That dress represented so much to me. I felt pretty, stylish and grown up. It gave me confidence which, as a shy child, I valued. When it no longer fit, it was a tangible sign that I was different–older and the things expected of me were different. This both excited and intimidated me. Clothing plays an important role in expressing our individuality–for children and for adults. It’s the packaging we use to present ourselves into the world. So it is no surprise, to some of us, clothing is a Big Deal.

It certainly is to the spunky main character in this charming picture book. (She is unnamed and her ethnicity is open to interpretation. A silver star for diversity.)  Like her, I loved “making things” out of stuff. (Still do!) At first, she despairs when her dress no longer fits, but then creativity inspires her!  She devises a plan to reinvent her favorite garment and enlist her mother to accomplish the makeover.

With each reinterpretation, the original garment becomes smaller and smaller until barely a fragment is left– only enough to … Well, you’ve got to read the book to learn its final incarnation.

As always, I like to put on my AQ* glasses and view the book through the lens of Adoption-attunement. This book is a fun romp through creative problem-solving. It models a resilience to change without beating kids over the head with the message. (As adoptive parents, we are very familiar with how challenging change can be for our kids!) Kids will enjoy discovering how the little girl creates each new version.

Have some fun as you read the book. Pause to predict how you might reinvent the “dress” at each stage. Ask them to think about something in their own life which they treasure and which they are on the verge of “outgrowing.” How might they redesign it to extend its life? Mother encourages her “not to make mountains out of mole hills.” For kids with temperamental emotional thermostats, this is a way of watching others work through their “disasters.” The story easily lends itself to discussing recycling, and maintaining an attitude of possibility and solutions. Enjoy. I rate this book a five star read.

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