In the title of her excellent book, Who Is A Worthy Mother, Rebecca Wellington asks a pivotal question: Who is a worthy mother? Her well-documented research spotlights factors that usually remain unacknowledged or dismissed. A narrow and biased lens imbued the policies, beliefs, judgments, and decisions that saw adoption as the best solution. This bias determined which women society viewed as worthy to parent their children. By default, it also identified which women they advised/pushed to place their children for adoption.

 When making these decisions, they gave little or no attention to the cultural norms and traditions of non-northern Europeans. Wllington’s analysis shows that often the desire to convert children and “civilize” children in ways that erased their cultures, family connections, and traditions. This agenda often held a higher priority than the children’s welfare and judged their mothers as not worthy mothers.

A viewpoint of adoption as totally benign

Infused the calculus of the “costs”/benefits that adoption conferred on a child was entrenched. It disregarded the life-long trauma to both birth mothers and adoptees and minimized the intense losses and grief they experienced. Society deemed adoption appropriate because the narrow lens of societal norms could not see these women as worthy mothers.

But of course, the losses of birth mothers and adoptees are far from trivial. Our support systems for and analysis of the criteria by which we determine who is a worthy mother need a substantive overhaul. We must prioritize the needs of mothers and their children over the yearnings and needs of prospective adoptive parents.

This book provides a much-needed historical perspective that exposes many uncomfortable truths about the motivations, policies, and practices that have shaped our cultural thoughts and beliefs about adoption, birth mothers, and adoptees. Everyone connected to adoption should read it.

Listen to GIFT Family Services’ newest podcast, ADOPTION MATTERS: Real People. Real Life. Real Talk. 

This podcast looks at the adoption experience through the eyes of three of our adoption coaches: Sharon Butler Obazee, an adoptee; Kim Noeth, a birth mother, and Sally Ankerfelt, an adoptive parent. Their conversations explore how one’s position in the adoption triad influences their experiences and responses.

You can still listen to our original podcast, Essentials of Adoption Attuned Parenting for many informative and useful conversations.

The stellar partnership of author Andrea Beaty and illustrator David Roberts deliver another winning and inspiring book. Kids will love “Aaron Slater, Illustrator. (My six-year-old grandson served as my test reader—he was impressed. He loved the colorful and zany illustrations—and he easily appreciated Aaron’s journey as a confident, kid comfortable with his own uniqueness to one who tries to hide in the shadows. The illustrations artfully reflected Aaron’s transition. They began with mages of Aaron that were jam-packed, dynamic, and beautifully showcased his colorful, confident personality.

When this boy who LOVED stories and books, struggles to learn to read, his confidence fades. He loses sight of his value and begins to doubt himself. Robert’s illustrations depict Aaron’s efforts to blend in and fade into ordinariness by leaching out more and more of his  “trademark” color and pattern.

With his classmates, Aaron advances to Grade Two. Beaty’s rhythmic, rhyming text tells the story of his ongoing inability to learn to read and how his struggles dim his personal light. Instead of his kaleidoscopic wardrobe, Aaron now dresses “In his simple white t-short and matching white shoes./He tries to keep up. To blend in. And to hide./the tangle of feelings he carries inside.”

Things come to a head when the teacher asks the children to write a story based on themselves. This presents a huge problem for Aaron. Because he still hasn’t mastered reading, writing his story feels impossible. On the dreaded day that he must stand before his classmates and share his story, he struggles. His classmates’ eager, staring eyes intimidate him. Still, he tries… and begins to tell his story. Vividly. Brilliantly. Although his paper is actually blank, he is an artist with his words.

His teacher is moved to tears. Knowing that he is also a skillful artist, she invites him to paint a mural. He creates “The Illustrator’s Garden”. The children are delighted and Aaron learns “His art makes a difference.”

His challenges do not magically disappear. Aaron continues to struggle with reading. However, bolstered by having his talents recognized and valued, his confidence grows and he is able to continue to strive. “Like all imperfect heroes… he must do what he can and hope for the best.”

Adoption Lens: Many adopted children struggle with learning disabilities so this book is a great choice for kids who struggle in school. Everyone benefits when their individual and unique talents are appreciated and valued!