The Power of One …

So often, kids (and adults) think, “I’m only one person. What difference can I make?” The power of one is deceptive. One quiet voice, one brave stance, one impassioned believer can shift the moment, the life, the course of history. Perhaps the situation is reversed for them and they are the child who needs that one friend, that dependable adult, that supportive teacher.

How can we as parents/teachers/adults encourage this belief in the individual’s power to take a stand and help grow children willing to be “The Difference.” make a difference?

One tool resides in the brilliant book, “One” by Katherine Otoshi. In fewer than 500 words, Otoshi captures her powerful message: “It just takes one to make everyone count.”

I enjoy the play on words. In addition to the obvious meaning, that a person can “count” (be a meaningful influence,) this book also operates as a simple counting exercise. When the colors join together, one plus one becomes two, etc. The reader feels the effect of teamwork, the isolation and loneliness of facing a larger, scarier individual.

Otoshi’s bright, spare illustrations enhance her message in a succinct and easy to absorb package. This book is the perfect anti-bullying book for young children. (In fact, anyone who reads “One” will resonate with its important theme.”

“One” has received many awards (all of them merited!):

E.B.White Read Aloud Honor Book
Teacher’s Choice Award
Young Voices Foundation Award
Moonbeam Children’s Book Medalist
Mo’s Choice Award
Nautilus Gold Winner
IPPY Book Award
Hicklembee’s Book of the Year\NCIBA Best Illustrated Award
Reader Views Best Children’s Book
Flicker Tale Award

AQ* Spin:Many adopted children experience a sense of being different, of feeling like the odd one out. (Author, adopted mom, Carrie M. Goldman calls this as feeling “othered,” a complex emotion that parents need to acknowledge and assist kids in processing. Parents enjoy highlighting the similarities between themselves and their adopted children.

It is equally important that parents acknowledge the ways in which our children are different from us as well. Work to help them see their differences as enriching the family. Do encourage them to express any feelings of “otherness” without trying to minimize these feelings. Their honesty leaves them vulnerable and it invites you in to their real perception of their life experiences. By listening to all of their children’s emotions about adoption, parents become a safe harbor when they can find safety and security.

“One” offers an easy segue into conversations about their being adopted and how their friends and classmates respond to that knowledge. This is another area where parents will want to be available to hear their child’s whole story–“the good, the bad and the ugly.” Avoid the temptation to minimize; this will invalidate their expereinces and feelings. That’s not the message you want to share. We don’t want to push them into expressing only the happy thoughts and feelings about being adopted. .

I rate “One” a

A Nest Is Noisy … Like A Family

Families come in such diverse variety. As adoptive families we search for opportunities to highlight this range of difference in a way that equates with “interesting” instead of odd or abnormal. Diana Hutts Aston’s fascinating book, A Nest Is Noisy delves into the natural world to depict some of the many wonderful ways that animals prepare to house and protect their young. Illustrated with exquisite detail by Sylvia Long, the book is a feast for the eyes as well as a smorgasbord of interesting information.

The illustrations add depth and interest. Children can spend a great deal of time studying them for hidden details. They’ll enjoy a game of “I Spy” if they are challenged to look for tiny details. Readers will see the many commonalities as well as differences in how various animals prepare for parenthood. After reading the book, challenge your child to look for nests in his neighborhood.

Readers learn about nests: the biggest and smallest, nests built in trees and on the ground, constructed underground and created underwater. It features birds, fish, and snakes, bees, frogs and alligators, turtles, ants and platypuses. Kids will find a favorite among the crowd. They’ll enjoy learning about all the different ways animal parents prepare for the arrival of their offspring.

The AQ* Lens: A Nest Is Noisy even features two varieties of birds that lay their eggs in a nest and then allow others to nurture and raise them. This offers a chance to segue into a discussion of how some animal parents are not able to nurture and raise their babies. Instead, these birds carefully choose a nest where their little ones will receive the care they need and deserve. The book identifies one nest as “adopted.”

Tread lightly, if you choose to connect this thread to human parents making an adoption plan. (It is an easy tack to take.) Just remember to speak with respect and empathy for birthparents. Highlight the care with which they identified a new “nest” for their child. Explain that adult reasons and adult shortcomings necessitated an adoption. Make it clear that it was not the baby’s fault or due to any shortcomings on the child’s part. Ask your child what he thinks the animal might be feeling. (This may give you some insight to his own feelings about adoption loss.) Come from curiosity so that you allow them to express genuine feelings and not deliver what they think you want to hear.

A Nest Is Noisy is a beautiful book, chock full of information.I rate it as

Enjoying the Magic of Invention and Self-discovery

Andrea Beaty has created a spunky heroine in Rosie Revere, Engineer. Behind the shrinking violet who fades into the background at school, Rosie is a visionary with big dreams of becoming a “great engineer” and the talent to match. She creates inventions from her vast collection of found “stuff.” Rosie Revere, Engineer does a fabulous job of capturing a young child’s creative delight and the immense pleasure they enjoy in sharing their creations with the people they love. (How many times have you heard a child chime, “Look what I made!” Remember their exuberance, their pride, their need to have your acknowledgement?)

As a young tot, Rosie proudly shares her inventions with family until the dreaded day that her uncle–gasp–laughs at her masterpiece. Rosie feels judged and belittled by his laughter. Despite Uncle’s reassurances to the contrary, she believes he’s laughing at her. In typical child-fashion, she generalizes from this one experience, is convinced she lacks talent, and is devastated. Fortunately, her drive to create is untamed but she decides not to share her inventions anymore.

“After that day [Rosie] kept her dreams to herself.” She’s lost her spark and sits in her classroom “not daring to speak.” Rosie hides her creations until her namesake, great-great aunt Rose appears on the scene.(Adults will recognize her as an echo of Rosie the Riveter a cultural icon of World War II fame.) The two are kindred spirits. The elderly aunt confesses that she has an unfulfilled dream: to fly. Her aunt’s admission rekindles Rosie’s courage and confidence in her ingenious inventions. Although Rosie fears failure, she embraces the challenge and sets out to create a flying contraption that will fulfill her aunt’s dreams.

Alas, her zany cheese-copter crashes. Just like the dreaded uncle, great-great aunt Rose laughs at Rosie’s designs but with joy not judgment. “You did it! Hooray! It’s the perfect first try! This great flop is over. It is time for the next!” Rosie learns to be proud of her failures, to round up her courage and keep trying until success is achieved.

David Roberts’ quirky illustrations are charming and so expressive. Each offers many discussion points to be mined. As I read this through an AQ* (adoption-attuned) lens, this story offers many wonderful nuggets. Themes that infuse the story include: diversity, “shyness’, recycling, ingenuity, viewing the world with an artist/inventor’s eye, women as capable, failing forward teamwork, confidence, resilience, persistence, being true to oneself, and owning one’s unique gifts. Wow! Jam packed, fun and visually delightful, this story offers an easy window to discussions about hidden talents and how they may have a genetic origin. This offers a natural segue to positive mention of birth parents and how biology helps to shape who we are.

I highly recommend this book. it is a five star gem.

From Korea to America, Now Who Am I?

The Name Jar by Yangsook Choi is a book that has an interesting, yet subtle adoption connection. Although it features a Korean girl, she is NOT an adoptee. Unhei moves from Korea to the United States. The Name Jar also presents some Korean cultural elements as part of the story: the beautifully carved name block presented as a treasured gift from Unhei’s grandmother, the foods, the calligraphy and the ethnic neighborhood near her home.

Like many adoptees who made the same journey, she must learn a new language, adapt to a new country and culture plus discover where she fits in this new world.

Initially, Unhei decides that the easiest way to smooth out her “difference” is to surrender her Korean name in favor of a name that sounds more American and easy to pronounce. She invites her classmates to make suggestions for her new name and place them in a jar. She allows herself one week to decide.

The other children fill the jar with their selections. Unhei spends the week trying them on. Everyone is excited—so, mission accomplished, right? Not quite. She discovers that the value of a name far exceeds ease in spelling or pronunciation; it signifies the person’s essence. She determines the only name that suits her, is Unhei–her own. She embraces her name, shares its meaning (Grace) with her classmates. Readers will recognize the importance of being, liking and accepting oneself.

What is the AQ* (Adoption-attunement Quotient) of this book? How does it speak to adoptive families? The most obvious connection is the story line that features moving from Korea to the United States and the common experience inherent in such a significant transition. Another important asset is the honoring of the Korean culture and traditions and of taking pride in one’s heritage. Finally, The Name Jar features a Korean character, as well as a diverse cast of schoolmates and neighbors. Hooray for #Diversity!

I Had a Favorite Dress

Change is difficult for children. I was delighted to find this aptly titled book : I Had A Favorite Dress by Boni Ashburn and illustrated by Julia Denos. It connected with my own experiences. As a child, I too, had a favorite dress. It had a pale dreamy peach-colored bodice and a white knife-pleated skirt. How I loved that dress and how bereft I felt when I outgrew it. (More than fifty years later I can still picture it and how I felt when I wore it AND when it no longer fit.)

That dress represented so much to me. I felt pretty, stylish and grown up. It gave me confidence which, as a shy child, I valued. When it no longer fit, it was a tangible sign that I was different–older and the things expected of me were different. This both excited and intimidated me. Clothing plays an important role in expressing our individuality–for children and for adults. It’s the packaging we use to present ourselves into the world. So it is no surprise, to some of us, clothing is a Big Deal.

It certainly is to the spunky main character in this charming picture book. (She is unnamed and her ethnicity is open to interpretation. A silver star for diversity.) Like her, I loved “making things” out of stuff. (Still do!) At first, she despairs when her dress no longer fits, but then creativity inspires her! She devises a plan to reinvent her favorite garment and enlist her mother to accomplish the makeover.

With each reinterpretation, the original garment becomes smaller and smaller until barely a fragment is left– only enough to … Well, you’ve got to read the book to learn its final incarnation.

As always, I like to put on my AQ* glasses and view the book through the lens of Adoption-attunement. This book is a fun romp through creative problem-solving. It models a resilience to change without beating kids over the head with the message. (As adoptive parents, we are very familiar with how challenging change can be for our kids!) Kids will enjoy discovering how the little girl creates each new version.

Have some fun as you read the book. Pause to predict how you might reinvent the “dress” at each stage. Ask them to think about something in their own life which they treasure and which they are on the verge of “outgrowing.” How might they redesign it to extend its life? Mother encourages her “not to make mountains out of mole hills.” For kids with temperamental emotional thermostats, this is a way of watching others work through their “disasters.” The story easily lends itself to discussing recycling, and maintaining an attitude of possibility and solutions. Enjoy. I rate this book a five star read.

Valentine Lullaby

This week we celebrate Valentine’s Day and the gift that is love. What greater blessing than that of a mother’s love? It is exquisitely depicted in the book, Lullaby (for a Black Mother.) Based on the Langston Hughes poem, it is illustrated by Sean Qualls in acrylic, pencil and collage.

This lovely book beautifully captures the intimacy of a bedtime ritual. The text is melodious, soothing and accompanied by pictures in the perfect palette of soft hues of blues, purples and aqua.

When I view the book’s universal theme of mother/child connection through the lens of adoption-attunement, what do I notice?

First, in contrast to the “color blind” approach often advocated, the poem highlights the baby’s race: “My little black baby/My dark body’s baby.” Color is a point of connection, of joy, of beauty. Race is not erased, over-looked or ignored; it is celebrated.

Second, for trans-racially adopted children, this book might open a conversation about how his birth mother might have held him and sung similar feelings. This would be a lovely idea to plant in a child’s heart and provides a concrete way of living an attitude of respect for a child’s birth family.

Regardless of race, this is a visual delight, an evocative and calming bedtime read.

What Makes A Family?

As an adoptive parent, an adoption coach and a writer on adoption issues, I found In Our Mother’s House by renowned author, illustrator Patricia Polacco exceptional. As is probably obvious from the title, the story focuses on a/n (adoptive) family with two mothers. Readers searching for stories that include LGBTQ families will appreciate this upbeat and poignant tale.

Written as a flashback from a now-adult adoptee who recalls some treasured and delightful memories of her childhood, In Our Mother’s House focuses on the positives, on how families can look different but still be about the love and care that connect them. Lesbian parenting is not the focus of the book; it is the backdrop. The story concentrates on the warm, supportive and “regular” family that the children and their two mothers shared. Love, tolerance and joy thread throughout.

While most of the neighborhood characters welcome and embrace this unique family, one does not. Polacco makes the point subtly—the children wonder why Mrs. Lockner grumps at them whenever they meet her. The mothers concentrate on reaching out to neighbors (all of them) to create community.

The illustrations include a dazzling array of diversity. Many lend themselves to further exploration of cuisine, language and neighborliness, etc. Although the story is about a family formed through adoption, it doesn’t concentrate on adoption issues, makes no mention of the emotional struggles that adoptees often face nor does it mention birth parents, etc. In Our Mother’s House is a sweet, feel-good book about the wondrous blessing of a loving family. Great book!

Annoyed, Blamed, Cried, Drooled, etc., an ABC of Feelings

Because today is Multicultural Children’s Book Day, bloggers are featuring entertaining and diverse books. I have selected An Annoying ABC by Barbara Bottner and illlustrated by Michael Emberley which overflows with humor and features children of every color imaginable. Race is not the focus of the book; it is the natural backdrop of the story. The world includes a rainbow of humanity and this book reflects that reality.

An Annoying ABC weaves a delightful “domino” story: each action precipitates a subsequent reaction. Once “Adelaide annoyed Bailey,” mayhem ensues—in alphabetical order no less! The illustrations offer a treasure trove of vignettes to explore emotions, actions and consequences. Not only do the character’s names fulfill the ABC format, but also the verbs which describe an amazing array of actions: “annoyed, blamed, cried, drooled, elbowed, fumed, grabbed, howled, etc.” Eventually the story comes full circle when Adelaide apologizes and instigates a cascade of apologies—from A to Z! We could all benefit from Adelaide’s example.

This book hits the mark on several levels. It helps kids expand their vocabulary while enjoying the antics of this delightful cast of characters. An Annoying ABC can assist adoptive parents in teaching their children how to name and handle their big feelings. Imagine your child pretending each feeling and then your guessing which one he is portraying–lots of opportunity to be silly while discussing important emotion-management skills. I rate it a five-star read.

Helping Kids Size Themselves Up

To a child, size matters. Much emphasis is placed on being “big.” How often have you heard a child boast, “I not a baby! I a big girl (or boy)!” Children love to place their hands and feet beside a parent’s limbs and assert that they are almost as big as Mom or Dad. What I love about You Are (Not)Small by Anna Kang is that it taps into this touch point of childhood. With delightful illustrations by Christopher Weyant, it deftly and humorously, highlights that size is relative. The story follows a conversation between an ostensibly small character with a visibly larger one. The tiny one resists the label that the large character applies to him. The little one responds by turning the statement around: “I am not small. You are big.”

Which is true? Like so much in life, neither is absolutely true; each is relatively true. Compared to one creature, the main character is tiny. But, compared with a different one, he is huge. Thus, both statements are true. He is both little and big!

This is an important lesson for children to learn: comparisons depend on the metric being used. Like statistics, they can tell a different story depending on what is emphasized and what is ignored. They do not change; only the measuring scale differs. Labels can hide as much as they highlight and divide as much as unite.

This story can be used to help children see how comparisons can lead to feelings about themselves that are based on illusion. Parents can discuss what things about a child are consistently true. The story opens conversation about bullying as well. As a writer who focuses on adoption issues, I know adopted children are often told that their families or parents are not real. This book provides an easy way to address that question. Just as the characters are both big and small, families can be both adopted and real, just like birth families! Enjoy this book for its story, sense of humor and colorful illustrations. This is a book children will want to read again and again.

“No Two the Same—All Beautiful” A Timeless Message of Hope

Across the country, early snowfall covers the ground evoking thoughts of playing outdoors and delighting in Mother Nature’s handiwork and it reminded me of a wonderful book I read this summer: “Snowflakes Fall” by renowned author, Patricia MacLachlan and equally renowned artist Steven Kellogg. He lived in Newtown, CT and was especially grieved by the tragic loss of the twenty-six children in the school shooting which occurred there. She wrote the story in support of these lost children and the entire community of Sandy Hook.

The story is not sad; it does not mention the shooting. Instead, “Snowflakes Fall” dwells on timeless moments in childhood—first snowfalls and the return of spring flowers. The simple metaphor of the cycle of life comes across free of any heavy-handed moral. The refrain: “No two the same—-all beautiful,” repeats, reminding readers of the value of each individual, whether it is children, snowflakes, etc. Throughout the book, MacLachlan deftly weaves the thread of hope reappearing after loss. Day follows night. Spring follows winter. Flowers bloom when winter departs.

Steven Kellogg’s signature illustrations bring the tender story to life. Having lived in Newtown for thirty-five years, he knows the environment and has depicted it with detail and heartfelt affection.

I appreciate this book on several levels. As a picture book, it delights through both the gorgeous artwork and the evocative text. As a metaphor for appreciating each season of life, “Snowflakes Fall” allows us to savor the magic of both winter and spring. For kids who have had challenges in their lives—whether small or large— the story reminds us that life flows forward and brings us out of the times of cold, darkness or fear and delivers us once again to the beauty and inspiration of hope and new growth. These are messages both parent and child can enjoy. For kids who have traveled a traumatic past, it helps them see the possibility of hope and new life.

In conjunction with the publication of “Snowflakes Fall” Random House donated funds to the Sandy Hook School Support Fund and First Book, a literacy foundation.